He calls the weak to the mighty

I was so blessed today when I got the text that my friends are able to move forward with their end of our surrogate journey. I know God called me, too much has lined up so perfectly for it not to be so. Yet my emotions rose on high with joy and excitement and then the enemy was right there to slam me with the low. Fears coming in and doubts of my own ability to see my end soundly through. What if my body lets them down? On and on the thoughts tried to rise up.

Honestly, with each doubt, the Lord was right there. The enemy said, “what if you have a hormone issue.” God said, ” Well, estrogen will fix this issue.”
The enemy said, “you are ill.” God said, ” I am your healer. I have used much less to do even greater.” On and on the Lord’s encouragement continued, followed by a boldness I have never known.

Even though the enemy throws daggers; over the years and through the depression I have learned that just because the enemy says it, does not mean that it becomes my truth. It does not matter if the perspective looks impossible, I serve a God of the possible. He is my strength and my shield.

God has a child/children that are to be born!  This journey is an amazing example of what truly laying our own lives down for His purpose looks like. The beauty that will unfold will leave me in awe and wonder.

Yes, Lord, I will. Not because I am anything special, in reality I am know that I am not, but because of who I know YOU to be and who I am because you are within me. I am a mighty warrior, that will be holding arrows within me that will move forth in your time to do great and mighty things. I will look back one day and say, “God, you made me able, not my own strength and I will never be the same.

This is a long road ahead. We will be fundraising and preparing both of our bodies. There are lawyers and tests and more tests. But I say yes Lord, continue to do miracles. We have seen SO many already !!!

When I am hormonal and need extra joy, I have a whole history of my joy journey already documented here…. I can read and read and read and see what the Lord ALREADY has done. I see that He is good and I want more. Thank you Lord for calling me, the weak, and making me strong!

Stop Hiding!

There is a very sore spot that the Lord had to heal in my life. I was unwanted by my biological family. I grew up knowing, and hearing the words straight from the mouth of my biological grandparent that I was not worth the investment of proving my paternity. My biological father, never wanted to reach out and learn about me, or respond to my efforts to know more about that part of my life.

Even though my Daddy that raised me from birth, poured into my life, was there for every moment and showed me I was treasured…the enemy kept poking at my self worth.

This aching spot, festered into my life for years. I was easily hurt and would then push people away, so that they couldn’t hurt me any deeper.

I was once at a gathering and two people I felt very close to, were wrapped up in their own situation and barely acknowledge that I had come over an hour away to spend time with them and although there was an apology later, I could not get over the pain that stabbed at my heart. Another time a dear friend came to town and it was over a week and a half before there was time to see me, a friend I had found of highest value and recently had driven 11 hours to go see.

I know that the hurt and offense lies on my shoulders, but immediately the enemy started in…”see another family doesn’t want you”, or “other friends find you of no value.” Even now those moments bring tears to my eyes because the hurt, had been so deep.

I began to push away, run away, hide. I felt it was easier to stay away and not invest, to only be hurt again. Then as I hid, I became depressed once again. There were the lies of the enemy daily attacking and as much as I would counter the lies with the word of God, there were moments in my weakened state that I believed those lies. I didn’t want to go to church, I didn’t want people over, I would hang out alone in my room with a book or movie and shut out the world. This my friends is how the enemy works. It is something that will immobilize your life, stop your production of great things…it is Isolation.

Isolation: : the state of being in a place or situation that is separate from others : the condition of being isolated

God himself said Genesis 2:18- it was not good for man to be alone. I truly believe that this goes farther than just the two at the Garden of Eden. For in the scriptures it also says, Hebrews 10:25- Do not forsake the gathering of the brethren, but encouraging one another, especially now that the day of His return is drawing near.

We are called to be an encouragement to others and to be encouraged by others! How can this be accomplished if we lock ourselves away because of hurts, depression, illness, anger, judgement, and the constant other onslaught tactics of the enemy?

Clearly He is not going to give up the pursuit of pushing you into isolation. How do we break out of the chains that are binding us in the situation?

For me, it was one step at a time. One healing moment at a time. First to recognize I had isolated myself, and then to cry out for His strength to break the pattern. I still fight the lies, I still fight the pain of illness, I still have the struggles, the difference is, now I FIGHT. I do not roll over in defeat and hide.

It could be so easy to justify closing my life off to others, but in reality, Isolation is of the enemy and robs us of the gift God gave us…. LOVE.

I will no longer let the lies, dictate my worth, my future, or my gifts… I must stand on the very fact that God’s truths are far more than enough! I will stop hiding!


A relevant past post – Hello?

My flesh …. was once the victor…. but not the final outcome!

I hit the wall again. I was so fearful that the past was going to repeat itself, when I woke up in pain all over my body. I cried out to God, “I thought I was beyond this! Please don’t allow me to regress! What is going on?” I cried in private, in front of my boss, and was embarrassed at such a weakened state.

I rested, and rested some more. I stretched slowly, watched my diet, used medication, muscle rubs, made sure to get my vitamins and slowly regained strength. I can sense that I am still unable to work like I had, I see it was sending me into a tail spin. I was not ready. Yet it really brought a full picture of what I was struggling with.

I was fleshing out. I was so burdened and in pain, that for a moment I quaked and allowed depression, despair and frustration to hang like a dark cloud on top of the light He placed in my life.

I find it interesting that we can walk in the flesh or walk in the Spirit. In the flesh, I wanted to completely give up. I am reminded of the scripture…
Galatians 5:17-  For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want.

I wanted to despair, complain, feel sorry for myself and fear. ALL these things are contrary to what is right in the spirit.

The meaning of FLESH-The soft substance of a human or animal.

Flesh is the SOFT part. The part that doesn’t want to contend, to fight, to stand for what freedom I have already gained. By walking in my flesh… I was soft.  Why wouldn’t the enemy want to keep me in that state? He would obtain all the victory. The victory over what God HAS done in me.

My flesh had won for a moment. I kicked and cried and screamed. Yet that is not the end of my story, my outcome is victory over the flesh and moment. I will rise up and sing, not because of my limits, but because of my opportunities and new strength.

Now, I will not be unwise with my abilities, BUT I will not let my spirit be weak because of  the condition of my body. I will walk not by sight, but by the SPIRIT of the Lord. I will walk confidently that He carries me and I would never ever go back to what I once was. He has done a work and isn’t near finished yet. He is SO good and I give Him all the glory. So for my fleshing out, whining, complaining, wanting to give up moment. I repent, and turn away from that lie. I will walk in HIS truth, and that is… He is an everlasting God and does not grow faint, He does not grow weary, He is the defender of the weak, and comforts those in need. He will lift me up and carry me and I can say …. “HE IS GOOD!”

Drama Drama Drama…..

I have noticed that many times, even when medication is adjusted, finances are going right, family is thriving, that depression still plagues some. I was pondering this just a few weeks ago. What is it that makes depression hang on, despite counseling, prayer, medication and other forms of ‘healthy’ pursuit of being depression free? Then it hit me, for some, depression is entertainment. ‘Drama’ is entertaining and ‘exciting’ for some people. In order to maintain the drama there is an onslaught of complaints, worries, anxieties, and ‘OMG’ moments.
If you are living in the drama state, no matter what you do to pursue your joy, you will not maintain it. It truly is about deciding to let it go, pick up joy DAILY and walk in it. I do know some are just designed, glass is half empty, Eeyore mentality, but the cycle can be broken. It takes work, a lot of work, but it can be done, I know!

I would never suggest getting off medication, or stop your counselling, or whatever medical pursuits you have been implementing to battle depression. But what I am suggesting is to break the never-ending cycle of drama. If horrible things keep happening, which I have been there done that, try to find thankful moments and not focus on the horrible things. It is very hard. I daily have to remind myself that I have broken this cycle, only to face the temptations again.

I had a very good friend tell me often, when he was discussing his health (he was critical), ” Now I am not going to have a pity party, it is what it is. I am alive right now!”  How that smacked me in the face, here I was complaining about not able to make the most recent bill, and he wasn’t going to complain that his health was declining to the point of saying his goodbyes!

I also had another friend tell me once, ” I don’t need everyone to know how I am truly feeling, That negative doesn’t need to be spoken out loud, or I will never feel better.” This friend was battling cancer.

You see the pattern here? They refused to focus on their situation. These two individuals were the most influential, joyful people I knew. I wanted that.

No matter how much medication you are on, or how much you pursue being joyful. If you are stuck on the negative in your life, or the drama so to speak, you will not get there. Each thing that is spoken, takes root. When you speak negative things out loud and focus on the things going wrong, it takes root in your heart. It stirs up anger, anxiety, frustration, desperation and those things lead to depression.

I understand sharing prayer requests, or being real with your friends, but don’t let it be your all. Make sure you are remember to be thankful, that your moment is not your forever and that you will not settle for defeat. I have fallen into this trap many times, when I have not spoken to my Bestie in awhile and all I do is vent. This is not healthy, this ‘drama’ to be interesting and to seek out advice, is not being life producing.  It is time to not allow ‘drama’ to be the entertainment that we seek. It will lead down a road to nowhere.

Drama mode, gives glory to the situations, and not on your victory. It puts the focus on the negative, rather than what could be, or what you do have. Drama, takes the eyes off of Jesus and what He has done. I am working on letting drama go daily and though I slip into my old routines, recognizing what I am doing, is the beginning to some new steps in this Sister’s pursuit of Joy!

Something to Ponder

There is constant bickering and opinions posted on Facebook. The government and religion/spirituality is the hottest topic of all. I see daily things that I do not agree with. Often there are video’s and messages posted, that if I let them can bring about fear, anger, sadness, or judgmental thoughts.

Recently there is a scripture that has been going around and around in my head. I can’t let it go. I see something that is unsettling, this scripture pops up. I hear bickering, this scripture pops up. I hear complaining, this scripture pops up.

 Philipians 4:8- 

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

I now measure everything I spend my time on, by this standard. I understand I am human and I may flub up, but for the most part, I do not want to focus on things that are not good, right, lovely, honorable, or just.

I am well aware that to others, what is honorable and just will have different meaning. But to me, this means I will not look upon the things that bring about discord, disturbance in the spirit, anger, frustration, or fear.

Maybe this means my head is in the sand. I would rather believe it means my head is above, my sight on the one that reigns on high.

I will trust in Him, in HIs word and what I know to be true. I do not have to make sure that everyone agrees with me, or sees things my way. I am okay with the fact that we are all individuals. But, do not be offended if I do not have a sparing match over the issues.

May you be full of Joy as you think on heavenly things, as you think on the one that created you and loves you.

Blessings ~

Do you really want to try that yourself?

I was thinking of all the times that I was going to save money and tried to ‘do it myself’

There was the time I tried to trim my bangs years ago, only to have to go in and get them fixed a few days later. They were much shorter than I would have desired,  if only I would have went to my amazing hairstylist in the first place. She has always been fantastic and making sure I could afford to get a cut, so why did I cut it myself? Because, I thought the trip into town would be too inconvenient, so …snip !

Then there is the self hair color job ! Ya, that one was because my hairstylist doesn’t  color hair at her shop, and there is that pesky cost, then travel to go to my amazing friend. So here I thought, oh I will just do it myself!  The hair turned out;  body, shirt, three towels, walls, floor, and sink stained later, I realized I could have just went in and probably saved money and a lot of headache, heck I even could have felt pampered for once!

Or how about that time ( very recently), that I was going to fix my dryer. The dryer drum fell, cutting wires, causing a fire and scaring me near to death.  The fire chief had said if I was still touching the dryer as I had moments before, I could have been electrocuted to death!

Look at these three instances. The degree of damage varied. The first example was not too bad, the hair would grow back. The dye job, was a little more costly but manageable with some elbow grease and even reusing damaged towels and clothing.  The last could have resulted in electrocution, leading to my demise! Even though that did not happen, there are scorch marks in my laundry room, fire department came out and dryer needed to be replaced. I put a lot of effort into cleaning the mess that was left behind. I even had three clean folded loads of laundry I just finished that had to be completely redone, along with a closet full of smelly blankets.

Where am I going with all this? My mind got to wandering today.

How many times have I tried to ‘fix’ things in my life, rather than going to the Lord, for the transformation needed within me?

There have been times I have wanted to fix my attitude, so in my own power, I tried really hard not to get angry. I would bury my feelings and by golly I was going to be kind. I would smile even though I was simmering underneath, but I was being kind! I was not showing my anger ! I had control of my attitude!!! Only then there would be that day, that everything would go wrong, everyone would push my buttons and then “SCREECH” mean woman mode was set loose!

I have learned for true transformation, life-giving transformation, I had to go to the right source. I had to go to the one that created all my intricate details. The one that knew my coming and going. Even the numbers of hair on my head. I had to go to the Lord for a renewing of my mind and transformation of my heart.

There were some areas in my life I was just not going to fix on my own.  I was tired, and worn out from trying. I was burdened with my inability to repair things on my own. It was time to surrender to the one that truly knew how to do it.

I still struggle with trying to take on things I have no business taking on. Sometimes it is very hard for me to admit I need help in areas. But after I seek my own way, make a terrible mess, throw up my hands and cry out “HELP” , He always does!

I am at the point now where I want to ask, “Do you really want to try that yourself?”

Psalm 121

1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The Lord watches over you—
the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

7 The Lord will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
8 the Lord will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

How to pray

I just knew in my spirit last night that I would be following up the post “Prayer… it is important“. I even mentioned the fact on my Facebook page when I shared my post.

However, I may have forgotten all about it, being wrapped up in my blankets eating hot soup, as I fight and conquer this cold and flu season, until I came across a Facebook post asking, “How do I pray?”

So let’s look at this topic shall we? The best way I know to find out what the Lord would have for us to do, is going to the word. Let’s go to scripture and see what the word of God says about prayer.

But before we do that, let me share my heart with you. We have a relationship with God through His son. When we have the right as His children, to come to His throne room, we may speak to Him as a father.

We may ask, “Father, hear my heart! Know my desires!” And we can be assured that He does. I for one feel that when we pray to the Lord, we do so in relationship. We can speak to Him as our Father, our provider, our friend or our savior. We just need to speak, in our heart or out loud, in our quiet place or while I am grocery shopping. I speak with Him all day long. I regard His opinion and instruction on my day-to-day life and I know that He hears me when I call!

How can I pray? The first scripture that stands out to me on prayer :

 Matthew 6:5-12 

5 “And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.6 But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. 7 And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. 8 Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

9 “This, then, is how you should pray:

“‘Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
10 your kingdom come,
your will be done,
    on earth as it is in heaven.
11 Give us today our daily bread.
12 And forgive us our debts,
    as we also have forgiven our debtors.
13 And lead us not into temptation,
    but deliver us from the evil one.

Isn’t it wonderful that we can go to a quiet place and pray to our Lord? We can ask for His will to be done! He knows our heart even before we speak it!
This is so encouraging to me!!! You may read this scripture and wonder, “What, I can’t pray in public?” I think the very heart of this scripture is to examine your motives. We are not to shout it out on rooftops that we are praying for the sake of people seeing us pray. It is not about an image we are trying to bring of ourselves, but a heart condition. We should be praying, because we want the Lords will in our life and others, not just so people can see what we are doing.

 1 John 5: 14-15 

And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. 15 And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him.

The key is to know the Father’s will. Look in the scriptures and make sure the very thing you are believing for, lines up with the word of God. If you find that your heart is in agreement with God’s will,  ask it of Him and know with CONFIDENCE that He hears us. We can trust that He is able to do His will in all situations. we just need to ask.

Psalm 50:14-15 

 Offer to God a sacrifice of thanksgiving,
    and perform your vows to the Most High,
    and call upon me in the day of trouble;
    I will deliver you, and you shall glorify me.

This scripture shows me that we have the right to speak to God. We are to offer Him our thanksgiving. Be thankful and REJOICE! For He is good. We can call out to him in our trials. He will hear us and we will glorify Him.

This is one  scripture that I LOVE :

Philippians 4:6-7

 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

We are instructed right here, take everything to the Lord! Tell Him what you need! Thank Him for all He has done! Thank Him that He has heard your cries.

Just as I said in yesterday’s blog, when we pray we sense God’s presence. We sense His peace when we rejoice and give Him thanksgiving. We do not have to worry, we do not have to fret. We can know that the Father, knows our hearts cry, and hears our prayers. Do not let the enemy fight you and say you are praying wrong so you may as well give up. Don’t let Him tell you, that you are not receiving the results you are believing for you so you may as well not bother. God HAS heard your cry and that is enough to stand on. Keep praying my friend and if you need someone to stand in agreement with you feel free to visit my prayer and share corner. I would love to pray for your needs and rejoice over your testimonies!!!

May His Spirit quench your thirst and you hunger no morer~

Shaey  Writing for Joy