Fear you have been identified

43117188_554492298342921_9131809918288920576_n.jpg Art by: awakened_arts @instagram

Fear this year had gripped me and I had no idea how, why or when. I just knew that my physical body was in panic mode and this was brand new for me. Sensory overload has been paralyzing at times, to where I literally have to leave and lie down right then and there. Another form of this fear started almost a year ago. Overwhelming constant dizziness had me afraid to go anywhere or doing anything on my own.

I no longer drive (almost 10 months now with just a couple tries in that time) even on my good days because the bad ones terrified me so much and the movement will seem okay for a little while, I will be driving along and all of a sudden I can’t see straight. So much time has gone by and I have not even realized it.

Yesterday a new friend called me out on my walking in fear, by sharing her testimony and freedom. I was supposed to get together with her and had tummy issues that morning and canceled.  She called me and had an encouraging word and then shared about fear. As soon as she said the word “fear”,  a light bulb clicked in my brain, I truly had no idea that I was battling in such a capacity. Fear you have been identified!

Here I had written on fear and transformation and God had begun a work in me just a few days before, but I had no idea how deep that fear had a hold until I saw my situation through another’s eyes.

She was absolutely right, I had been fearing getting together with someone new, but did not know it in my head.
The flashes came to my mind on what I was fearing as soon as she mentioned the word, it is hard for me, exposing my heart to risk having it broken again. Rejection and abandonment had left me as a shut-in and hiding. I will get over it and the enemy is right there to remind me what was stolen from me and point that accusing finger that I am nothing. I will grasp my worth and value and one disapproving look or gossip can send me spiraling right back to my idea of worthlessness. Fear you have been identified! I will not go back.

It is easy to live in a state of hidden truths. I was not addressing fear, because it had not been revealed to me yet. There is great power addressing your battles by name and this is why the enemy tries to keep things hidden. As I have been on this journey to the fullness of joy and health, there have been many things the Lord has had to deal with in my heart.

There are hidden things coming to light every single day, and sometimes it takes a loving person to identify what you don’t see or want to look at. This person came to me in encouragement and love. This was not a place of judgment but a heart that wanted freedom for me.

As soon as an issue is identified to us, we have a choice, we either choose to tackle it for complete freedom, or stuff it away and don’t deal with it. You can’t have victory by rolling over and saying “I will deal with you another day.” Because another day comes and your darkness grows that much stronger. It has become your comfort and false safety.

My friend said it well, “one of the ways to battle fear is to do that which you are afraid of anyways. Walk it out in fear and all.”When I step out into the uncomfortable, I think on it for days, that I looked foolish, or all the ways others may mock me for being who I am. I fear what will I say, how will the conversation start. Now those that had known me in years past would wonder what in the world happened because this is NOT who I was. I have become someone mousey and hidden. I have for whatever reason, all of a sudden cared about what others think of me, far too much.

This shut-in mentality started slow. It was to get well with my illnesses at first and most recently it seems like anytime I am asked to come out of my little hole in my house, that I would start shutting down. I thought it was laziness or depression (this all started around the loss of my dad) and maybe that is a factor, but my friend was so right on when she identified that I was battling fear.

Asking the Lord, why His truths are not sticking, I feel the answer is because the seeds of healing have not been cast on good soil. A truth that is in my head but has not been established in my heart. Rather than my everyday reality that I am valuable, have a call, have worth and what I have to say has importance, I only have snippets of a moment. Even now typing the words that what I have to say has importance, I wanted to delete that sentence. I don’t truly believe it yet. So I ask the Lord today, help my unbelief. Help me see myself with the same eyes that I see others. Help me see myself as you see me. Fear you have been identified and I will not return to you!

It is time for me to walk in my value and worth every single day, all day, not just when the spirit of God hits in crazy good ways.

I am choosing to speak to that fear by name. I call it out for what it is!
In Jesus name, Fear you must go, you are a liar, you are false, you don’t hold my God’s truths!
I will no longer walk in panic mode but confident mode. He has given me every tool I need to do His work and He has promised me His protection and peace.  I am under the shadow of His wings and I can find comfort there.

One thing I have learned in all of this is how to rest in the Spirit of the Lord. At any moment I know my comforter is there. So it is up to me to go to the source rather than run in my blindness. It is up to me to take the gifts He gives rather than believe the lies of the accuser.

God is so good to care so much that He doesn’t leave me behind in my mess, but creates beauty out of it, so that I may walk in my testimony.

Isaiah 41:10- fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

 

Did you notice

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Did you notice when her words became silence?

Did you notice when her smile became tears?

Did you notice when she hid within herself,

with a new fear of letting in the world?

Did you notice the struggles day by day,

The hurt and frustration that settled in her eyes?

Now you notice, but only too late, because she has said goodbye.

 

 

La La Land???

There is so much going on in the world. Honestly there always has been, but often times the happenings we see now, point to the end times. What many believe is linked to even greater turmoil, censorship, government control, financial disaster like never seen, system set up to take away our ability to buy and sale, and great persecution of christians.

I want to encourage those, following the media and seeing all the turmoil all over the world; do not let your focus be on the concerns of this world, leading you to fear and anger.

A joyful life is not obtained walking in fear, anger, hatred, strife and anxiety.

Over and over it states in the word; do not fear, cast your cares on the Lord, do not be anxious for anything, whatever is good and right think upon these things and many other scriptures that confirm, He is to be our focus, not what we see around us.

These scriptures confirm again and again; yes we should be aware, but not consumed. Yes we should share with others, but not fear what is to come. There is an urgency, I understand that, but if you are being robbed of your peace and joy, then the focus may be skewed and leaning away from the GOOD of our Lord towards the destruction of the enemy.

I would also like to point out that while we see many things come to pass, there are many more prophesies still to be fulfilled.

When I was a child, many thought the end was near. When my mother was a child, many thought the end was near. When my grandmother was a child, many thought the end is near. All the way back to the bible days, many, thought the end was near.

I am one that believes all things in scripture will come to pass, but I am also one that is not fretting the day, the hour, or the mess to proceed it.

Maybe I live in la la land, but I prefer to walk in peace and joy. Casting my cares on the Lord and walking faithfully forward, knowing that He already knows the plans for me. At times I may not like those plans, at times I may be uncomfortable, yet I can trust that I become stronger in the battle. There may be a day that I may even be killed because I am a christian. However, I choose not to worry about these things. I am going to just know that now, in this moment, I am free to worship and rejoice and shout out that HE IS GOOD. Each day He greets me, He is with me and none shall I fear.

The scripture on my heart this morning was; My God shall supply all my need.
What is interesting is, if you go back to read all of Phillipians 4…. it clears up exactly what that need is. Even in times of trial, the need was met. Even in times of testing the need was met. The need was not a grand house, a flashy car (donkey) or even the best clothing and food, yet the need was met.

He meets our needs, so the if and when and how need not be our focus.
Just walking in gratitude that He will do all that He has said is more than enough.  We must not focus on the crashing and slamming around us, but on how great our God truly is.

Phillipians 4, mentions our role, to have those needs met. I don’t think we need to fear the world. But I do believe these things will come to pass and we need to have our heart right with the Lord.

To those that read this blog, that do not believe, one day I pray you remember these words when faced with the happenings in front of you.

Blessings dear ones~