Don’t Eat The Doughnut

“Don’t eat the doughnut!” I felt these words in my spirit the minute I smelled the deliciousness in the room. I have a lot of food weaknesses. But there is something about the soft and sweet maple bar that will make me cave every time. I tell myself just one won’t matter. That a little bit of gluten and a little bit of sugar will not hurt me much and the delight for the moment will be worth it.
So I cave and I eat the doughnut.  And here lies the problem.

One doughnut may have been fine. But I have an emotional attachment to food. When I open the door to the one doughnut the next day when I am faced with an opportunity to cave again I will.  If I have hit some major stressors I will justify and tell myself, well I had gluten and sugar yesterday so I may as well. And the shield is down, the armor exposed and the battle is lost. All because I didn’t listen to those four little words. “Don’t eat the doughnut!”
Some of us in the battle of our illnesses have been given clear direction on how to be well. Most often that lies within the healthy choices we put in our bodies and exercise.  To do the things that will give a harvest of health we must take action. I can’t sit around waiting for health and eat the doughnut, or skip the gentle exercises and complain when I can hardly move the next day. For me personally, each day that I cave, makes me feel like I have to start all over at climbing the huge mountain.  My flares, thyroid, eyes, dizziness, and heart are all often the direct result of me not obeying what I know is right for my body.

It IS hard in this society to live a clean and healthy lifestyle. There are temptations all around us. The cravings are real as your husband is across the room eating everything you can’t touch and you have been living on vegetables for a week.  I want to be ‘normal’ and feel well and I want the junk too. But here is the reality, If I want health I need to listen to my body. I need to listen to the wise counsel that says, “Don’t do it, don’t eat the doughnut.”

I am at the bottom of the mountain again. I now weigh more than I ever have in my life, my pain levels are off the charts and all the other symptoms in a flare.
I have bee so lenient that I now have to start clawing my way back up to health from scratch. So I am building my truth tips to saying no to the doughnut and yes to my health, maybe they will help someone else as well. I have risen before and I will do it again!

1. Have alternatives handy-
When I am at a party, event or running around town with the hubby, I will cave every single time if I get hungry and I have no other choices around me. Keeping a bag of almonds, a healthy drink, or other allowed foods will keep me in check when the worst cravings arise.

2. Recognize your triggers-
It is important to examine your food triggers. Stress, emotions, loneliness, and boredom are my biggest triggers. Find alternatives to those food triggers that do not cover the issue, but address it. For example, I now know if I am eating out of boredom, I need to start writing, painting or play with the puppy. If I am lonely I reach out to others. If I am stressed,  I deal with the issue of looking at God’s truth about anxiety and worry instead of eating and just covering the problem in a moment.

3. DRINK-  
Dehydration is a health plan killer. If I get dehydrated, my crazy brain thinks I am hungry and I try to fill the void up with food. I feel foggy, achy, moody and all around off if I am not drinking my water. A bottle that I refill is my best aid. I don’t like the taste of water in a glass, weird I know and I don’t like water from the tap. So for me, a good filter, a bottle and even some slices of lime or lemon help me stay on track.

4. Start small-
If I try to cut out everything in one day and exercise an hour at a time right out of the slump, I will hurt, be frustrated and quit.
So I start usually by going gluten-free and drinking my water. I add some activity to my daily. I start slow. Then I add extra changes to health such as food restrictions and more time exercising and moving.

5. Be intentional and realistic-
My goal is health. Yes, I want to lose all this extra weight but ultimately I want to feel good and not be in a messy flare. I need to be intentional in reaching my goals. I will not be successful just wishing for it.  Know what you want and make the choices to get there.
I need to remember I did not develop bad habits overnight and it will take time to see my result. I will still crave the foods for a season and I will still want to eat the doughnut. Walking in true health for me is not denying the struggle, it is taking up my shield and overcoming the battle.

writing for joy
It is time to stand and hear with a heart that listens.

Can I have a Do- over?

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I remember playing games when I was younger. There were times that the dice didn’t roll the way I wanted it to or a play didn’t quite go the way that was planned, and I would ask, “Can I have a do-over?”

I don’t know how many times in the last twenty years I had asked God that question. My prayers have often included, ” Lord if only I could take that back!” or ” Please let me try that again, I will do better next time.”  After the question leaves my mind or lips, I always had to face the reality that there was no do-over.

All those opportunities that I either had taken for granted or thrown away, I can not grab those same opportunities back. I find that no matter how big the regret of my mistakes, and the mess that they made, I can not erase the consequences of something I did.

One thing I can do is pursue from this moment on a life full of joy and promise. I would rather have a life filled with joy and hope for my future than looking back and always wishing I could have done things differently.

Living a life full of joy is an action involved in a journey. I can not live in joy if I am constantly walking in shame or regret. I can take those moments that I messed up and say, “Well, I hope not to do THAT again!”, ” Or how can I grow from this?” and move on.

There is a season of growing and learning from these past wrongdoings, mistakes, or foolishness, but I am not to allow it to hold me down or hold me back. When I have repented and done what I can do to make a situation right in His eyes, the Lord forgives us from our sins and our past mistakes, the slate is wiped clean. I do not have to keep rewriting the mess out over and over again. I too can let it go as the Lord has.

When I am walking in the question, “Can I have a do-over…..PLEASE!” I am walking in condemnation. I am not walking in victory. If I have taken my issues to the Lord and asked for forgiveness, then I am forgiven. The Lord does not want us bogged down by regret and shame, constantly looking back at, “what if” and “if only I had”.

If I have missed an opportunity because of foolishness, I can trust my God is good enough to bring new opportunities my way. It is important I learn, grow and then let go.

Walking in a life with Jesus, I don’t have to ask ” Can I have a do-over?”, because He already finished the game and gave the victory to me!I just need to stop and remember to accept it.

Psalm 103:12

as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

( NIV)

Sick of it All

 

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Sometimes you just have to get sick of it all. Sometimes you have to look at your situation and say this is enough. I will not live in this anymore, I surrender!

There is nothing the enemy loves more than to have you stay in the nasty. Sick, tired, oppressed, anxiety, depressed, angry, empty, fearful and just plain not living. He wants to immobilize you with the lies that this is it and how it is.  I was in that place and then one day I said God, I am sick of all this, I surrender, I can’t do this anymore. As I worshipped him and laid it all down I felt a new purpose rise within my soul.

I began to surrender in a new way. I had been fasting, praying, worshipping, reading the word and pressing into God like I have not in YEARS.
The praises on my lips began when at first I didn’t feel like praising at all. I would praise and praise until those praises shook my very being and began a change in me.

He meets me right where I am EVERY TIME. If I get to the point of being sick of it all and remove it all from my sight and set my sight on HIM. I had to take my eyes off of what I was seeing in my flesh. I had to stop looking at it, stop living in it. It was not my life it was my situation and my God is a God who has complete power over every situation. 

Recently these days, I have felt an incredible urge to contend for others and their needs. I was in bed one night and woke up and could not sleep. So I began to pray and with the spirit of God on me, I lifted many people before God for different reasons. When I came to those needing healing, a new level of the presence of God hit me. I could not move, I was in awe and I saw myself on the floor, face to the ground and Jesus over me, saying I have healed you, and the presence hit me so strongly that I could not control the prayers they broke out from my heart to my lips. 

Since this experience, I have felt a new level of healing, and a ridiculous closeness to the father, I am absolutely buzzing with the presence of the Lord. Oh, how I pray this is just an incredible beginning because I was absolutely sick of it all and now…oh wow… I am in absolute AWE of Him in an all-new way!

This has become my prayer: “God, we are sick of it all. Sick of the lies, that pull us from the living. Invade the places that we have held back from you. It is time for the rejoicing. No matter what we are seeing in the flesh. You fight with us in the spirit. You go before us and we praise you for it. “

When we are sick of looking at the mess and ready to put our eyes on him continually, we will see new and amazing things. I will not be shaken, I will not forget what He has done.

Psalm 16:8- I have set the Lord continually before me;
Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.

I will PRAISE Him and Raise My Hallelujah! No matter what is going on around me. For when I am fixed on Him, everything else pales in comparison.

 

Give a listen and just let your ‘stuff’ go~ Raise a Hallelujah~

 

Obtain the Promise Land

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Lately, I have been feeling in my spirit over and over, the promise land. Obtain your promise land. I ask the Lord, what is my promised land, and just how do I obtain it? At the moment, I feel my promise land is my healing. 

For some time I have been wandering in the wilderness like Moses. I have been crying out for what the Lord has promised is mine, but for some reason, my healing hasn’t been instant and miraculous, as I have seen with my own eyes, happen for others. I only saw their moment, however, I didn’t see their journey. The process of faith and obedience that has taken root in their lives, or the lives of the ones praying over them. I didn’t see how they obtained their promised land, just that they had.

So I have been like the Israelites, wandering around and having no clue at what my disobedience and whining have done. Complaining where there are victories, forgetting to hold on to them in the midst of the trial.  Each time a new trial would arise I would deflate and lose hope, not looking at the fact that I was obtaining a piece of the puzzle to my full healing. I know the Lord can do the quick and instant, but He has me walking a different plan for His purpose and I need to trust in His work no matter how I see it working out.
As I was praying, and meditating on the things the Lord was showing me,  I saw clearly that Joshua ready to obtain the Promise Land was given divine instruction by the Lord. An instruction that would seem absurd to obtaining a land being held by an army behind a great wall. But by following those directions, by obeying the Father, and walking in Faith what God has placed within, Joshua and his limited (by our standards) army, obtained the promise land in the miraculous.
Study Joshua Chapter 6 to see how he obtained the promise land.

I was shown, that it was out of the following of instruction, the Lord was able to give Joshua the Land. If Joshua would not have acted, if He would have grumbled or complained or sat on his heels, they would not have obtained the promise. The people would have continued to flounder in the wilderness until someone ready to obey would rise up.

I find it funny this revelation came to me before my instructions came to healing. I recently found out all my dizziness is a result of a disconnect of my eyes and my vestibular system. I found out that there is work to do, ocular therapy and a lot of it. Commitment, time and even some discomfort will be my instructions. I will obtain my promise, but I must first follow the instructions. God can do the miraculous, He could have given the land over to the Israelites with no effort, but He didn’t. He instructs us to hear His voice. He instructs us to walk in obedience. He wants us to trust in Him. To not lean on our own understanding but to walk out what He has for us to do.
Some of the therapy seems silly and I ask, how will this really work. But if I sat and did nothing, didn’t even try, I would never get better. If I hadn’t known what was wrong, I wouldn’t know how to get help. The Lord lets us walk through things in our physical life so that we can see the link and process in our spiritual life and the work He would have us do for the Kingdom. This is my training ground! To follow instruction and see it through to completion.

 How many times have you had your promise in your grasp but you let go before you saw the fruition of it? I know I have too many times. I ask God, “why not me?” And feel He answers, “have you obeyed being faithful to follow through?”
I have to be honest, so often I let go before I see the harvest.

Perhaps you are feeling inadequate as I do, but I see time and time again in others, He uses the unqualified, He can use me too! He can take me beyond my ability. I need to not lean on my own understanding. To trust in Him and submit. He will make the path straight. I say YES Lord, I will obtain the promise Land!


Again and Again

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Recently I was in the waves of depression or grief I am not sure exactly which, but I was getting to where I  wanted to just isolate myself on most days.

I had lost my dad a year ago and my health struggles of the last few years hit another all-time high with no explanations, leading to walking away from my job I loved. Coming to grips with all the loss, I was truly trying to keep my head above water.

I had this heavy blanket over my mind often since childhood. When I was at Bethel Worship Music School this year, so much was revealed to me and was broken off of me.
I have been healed of the suicidal depression years ago. Jesus rescued me before. But this release was generational. This release will take deep roots in my family. God has brought me to a place of Joy that I had not felt since I was under 8 years old.

There with my heart open saying, God, why has this returned?  He said, “I will do it again. You want your release, here you go. I will do it again. I will meet you at every stage and every time. I will do it again! Don’t focus on the why, you know the why. Focus on the victory because it is here. ”

I just broke with my love from Him. I was valued and given the gift of LIFE.
When I let myself remember the work He had done before and I let myself be loved by Him in new ways, deeper relationship, it is then that He rescued me.
My heart was lifted with the knowledge that He will rescue me again and again from every situation. I do not need to return to the old. That one has been done with.
Anything else arises, He will be in that too, ready to save.

The funny thing is this time that I was rescued, it was much swifter then years past.
The days of deep depression did not linger long, as I was able to recognize them and remember where my help comes from. The maker of heaven and earth, my creator, my savior, my friend, my JESUS. He did it before and He will rescue me again and again. From each struggle, from each battle. He will rescue me again and again.

I am human, I may open the door to the same battle, but He is so faithful to reach in and pull me out of it. He is also faithful to give me the tools to not go there anymore.

I was at church Sunday and just heard…SOUND THE ALARM.

When you are struggling in life, sound your alarm!
Call out to Him and He will be quick to answer you.
Right there with you in your walk no matter where you are at, He comes.

In our natural life, if you are looking at a fire, you are going to sound that fire alarm. You will not just sit and watch it consume everything in front of you, you are going to call a rescuer. When you are struggling in the Spirit, SOUND your alarm.

He will meet you again and again. Give the song a listen 😉 This one blesses my heart to pieces.

 

 

 

 

 

His Spirit

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I am a child of God. I have accepted Jesus as my Lord and savior. I have been baptized in water and in His Spirit.

Joel 2:28
It will come about after this that I will pour out My Spirit on all mankind, and your sons and daughters will prophesy, your old men will dream dreams, young men will see visions. It’s the spirit of God that has impacted me as a child.

 

My first memorable experience with the Spirit of God, was when I was just a little child.

I had a dream that Jesus had come in the sky from heaven. He was wearing white. There was a line of people waiting for Him. One by one He was taking people clothed in regular clothes, He would pass them through a shield and they would ascend to heaven, clothed in white robes. I was one of the people in line.
I woke up with the Spirit of God all over me. The dream has stayed with me all these years.

When I was in my 20’s at church, the Spirit of the Lord hit me and I felt led to a scripture in revelation. Imagine my surprise that the dream I had all those years as a child was described in God’s word!

I have had moments of His presence in my life in so many areas. I have known things only God could have told me to share with others. They would ask, “how did you know!” where I would answer, “God’s Spirit told me”.

I have been supernaturally healed in the presence of God. Three sons births testify to the Lord’s ability. The word says by the stripes of JESUS I am healed.

So what is going on now?

I have been going through health struggles, and some days I can hardly walk across the room. Dizziness is one of the most bothersome symptoms. When I am in worship and the Spirit of God hits me, I can dance, spin and rejoice. There is no pain, there is no dizziness. His Spirit pours out.

The spirit comes like a rain, touching my mind and renewing the dead dry desert. Spending time in His presence I am overwhelmed by the goodness of His flood.
Washing away the fears, the past, the anger, illness and the weight of this world.
There is nothing but peace, comfort, me and my God.

I ask myself, what is the trick to walking in that thickness of His presence all the time? Is it possible or does it hit so much stronger with a corporate body all seeking and worshiping together? Most likely it is because I fill myself with things of this world more often than I sit at the feet of His throne.  I let the stress and grief overwhelm me before I come to His throne, then look to medicine to fix it.

I pray and worship daily but do I REST in that outpouring of His Spirit, no.

I must remember my roots. I must remember the gift the Lord has given me in His Spirit. The opportunity for wholeness, for I was created to worship Him in SPIRIT and in TRUTH.
Being in the presence of God is the opportunity for a renewing of my mind and body.

Lord forgive my distractions. I worship you because you are worthy, you died and saved me from my sin, but the reward in that worship is astounding. You are SO good to have given this gift to me.

 

 

 

 

 

A cancer of another kind

I was expecting the words, I was actually waiting to hear, “You have cancer.”
Yet, these words never came and as crazy as it seems, I was actually disappointed.

I know wanting cancer is beyond any normal rational, yet I was hoping thyroid cancer would be the diagnoses to begin to set me free.

I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia almost 11 years ago. I have been on the roller coaster of flare days and a few good days. I have tried many medicine cocktails to eventually give up every time, as the side effects would take over any benefit. I remember falling asleep behind the wheel once while taking a new medicine. The doctors response was, “if you are so tired still, you probably won’t get over it, time to try a new one.”

Try a new one, and try I have, new diets and fads, new supplements, new oils,
new searches and new medicines.
I woke up one morning so dizzy I could not walk across the room. The dizziness had not improved so I decided to go off of all medications to make sure that they were not the culprit. Three weeks later still dizzy. This on top of leg and muscle fatigue for over two years I decided to visit the doctor, again.  Thus began the MRI’s, more blood work and ultrasounds all leading to the biopsy. 7 nodules in my thyroid, 2 were suspicious. I have seen a hematologist for blood issues, neurologist for the dizziness and muscle weakness, and now I need to see the endocrinologist and ENT specialist at the end of the summer, each answer has led to more questions.

I wanted to have the answer so bad, I didn’t care what the answer was. I wanted to have something with a hope of treating. Now I just have more questions. Thankfully none of my symptoms seem to be related but rather 5 different sources all messing with me at once. I am truly thankful nothing detrimental! However, I am still left with Fibromyalgia and symptoms unrelated and we are searching. Oh, how I was hoping for a misdiagnosis.

It is through this journey I realized I DID have cancer. I had a small depressive thought that this was my life now. This thought had grown and grown, until I had come to the point it was all I saw. This is how depression works. Just a moment, and we let it fester and fester and grow and grow just like a cancer of the body, it becomes a cancer of our mind.

I had let go of the very thing Writing For Joy became in my life. A place to focus on God’s truth and to have JOY despite my circumstances. I allowed that cancer of depression to rob me of my truths. I had been robbed of my peace, of my smile, of my hope and strength, it was slowly robbing my life.
I had allowed the infectious depression to grow rampit and it happened so strategically, just as the enemy had planned.

God’s word says that the enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy. So swiftly  had let my physical body become the destruction to take my eyes off of the Lord’s truth to my heart situation. I am His daughter that HAS HOPE IN HIM. My situations do not dictate my joy meter. JOY despite my pain is not denial but a necessity, my necessity!

So in the Name of my MIGHTY Jesus I speak for the cancer of depression to be gone. I pray for His truths to rise in my spirit and in the spirit of others that battle. We will have peace  in the morning, His peace that surpasses all understanding to cover the depression in all trials and all circumstances. Infectious depression be gone and it its place the JOY OF THE LORD. For His JOY is our strength.

I will find my answers, I will have full healing, but in the meantime, I will walk with Him side by side as He takes me deeper into His truths. I have nothing to fear, I have no reason to slumber, He is calling me to new heights. Time to get ready.