Fear you have been identified

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Fear this year had gripped me and I had no idea how, why or when. I just knew that my physical body was in panic mode and this was brand new for me. Sensory overload has been paralyzing at times, to where I literally have to leave and lie down right then and there. Another form of this fear started almost a year ago. Overwhelming constant dizziness had me afraid to go anywhere or doing anything on my own.

I no longer drive (almost 10 months now with just a couple tries in that time) even on my good days because the bad ones terrified me so much and the movement will seem okay for a little while, I will be driving along and all of a sudden I can’t see straight. So much time has gone by and I have not even realized it.

Yesterday a new friend called me out on my walking in fear, by sharing her testimony and freedom. I was supposed to get together with her and had tummy issues that morning and canceled.  She called me and had an encouraging word and then shared about fear. As soon as she said the word “fear”,  a light bulb clicked in my brain, I truly had no idea that I was battling in such a capacity. Fear you have been identified!

Here I had written on fear and transformation and God had begun a work in me just a few days before, but I had no idea how deep that fear had a hold until I saw my situation through another’s eyes.

She was absolutely right, I had been fearing getting together with someone new, but did not know it in my head.
The flashes came to my mind on what I was fearing as soon as she mentioned the word, it is hard for me, exposing my heart to risk having it broken again. Rejection and abandonment had left me as a shut-in and hiding. I will get over it and the enemy is right there to remind me what was stolen from me and point that accusing finger that I am nothing. I will grasp my worth and value and one disapproving look or gossip can send me spiraling right back to my idea of worthlessness. Fear you have been identified! I will not go back.

It is easy to live in a state of hidden truths. I was not addressing fear, because it had not been revealed to me yet. There is great power addressing your battles by name and this is why the enemy tries to keep things hidden. As I have been on this journey to the fullness of joy and health, there have been many things the Lord has had to deal with in my heart.

There are hidden things coming to light every single day, and sometimes it takes a loving person to identify what you don’t see or want to look at. This person came to me in encouragement and love. This was not a place of judgment but a heart that wanted freedom for me.

As soon as an issue is identified to us, we have a choice, we either choose to tackle it for complete freedom, or stuff it away and don’t deal with it. You can’t have victory by rolling over and saying “I will deal with you another day.” Because another day comes and your darkness grows that much stronger. It has become your comfort and false safety.

My friend said it well, “one of the ways to battle fear is to do that which you are afraid of anyways. Walk it out in fear and all.”When I step out into the uncomfortable, I think on it for days, that I looked foolish, or all the ways others may mock me for being who I am. I fear what will I say, how will the conversation start. Now those that had known me in years past would wonder what in the world happened because this is NOT who I was. I have become someone mousey and hidden. I have for whatever reason, all of a sudden cared about what others think of me, far too much.

This shut-in mentality started slow. It was to get well with my illnesses at first and most recently it seems like anytime I am asked to come out of my little hole in my house, that I would start shutting down. I thought it was laziness or depression (this all started around the loss of my dad) and maybe that is a factor, but my friend was so right on when she identified that I was battling fear.

Asking the Lord, why His truths are not sticking, I feel the answer is because the seeds of healing have not been cast on good soil. A truth that is in my head but has not been established in my heart. Rather than my everyday reality that I am valuable, have a call, have worth and what I have to say has importance, I only have snippets of a moment. Even now typing the words that what I have to say has importance, I wanted to delete that sentence. I don’t truly believe it yet. So I ask the Lord today, help my unbelief. Help me see myself with the same eyes that I see others. Help me see myself as you see me. Fear you have been identified and I will not return to you!

It is time for me to walk in my value and worth every single day, all day, not just when the spirit of God hits in crazy good ways.

I am choosing to speak to that fear by name. I call it out for what it is!
In Jesus name, Fear you must go, you are a liar, you are false, you don’t hold my God’s truths!
I will no longer walk in panic mode but confident mode. He has given me every tool I need to do His work and He has promised me His protection and peace.  I am under the shadow of His wings and I can find comfort there.

One thing I have learned in all of this is how to rest in the Spirit of the Lord. At any moment I know my comforter is there. So it is up to me to go to the source rather than run in my blindness. It is up to me to take the gifts He gives rather than believe the lies of the accuser.

God is so good to care so much that He doesn’t leave me behind in my mess, but creates beauty out of it, so that I may walk in my testimony.

Isaiah 41:10- fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

 

Transformation: Fear is a Liar

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This picture came to me as I was worshiping in my living room before a special meeting at church. I had not planned on doing any painting that night, but the song in my head would not leave, “Fear is a liar”. So without knowing what I was painting, I sat and quickly painted my beginning picture. It was the eye of evil staring back at me. My first thought was, I am not taking this to church!
Then the instruction, “How will you look beyond the ugly and make something beautiful?” I knew at that moment this picture was about transformation.  I did not know it was to be mine!

I have rarely done a painting in public, and never with this process, fear tried to grip me. While I prayed and prepared,  the excitement of what God would do, overtook any timidity. I kept singing that song Fear is a Liar, knowing God would be my peace.

As I was packing my supplies the Lord said, ” tonight you will get messy, no brushes.”
It sounded fun and exciting to me but I have absolutely no coordination and fear again tried to grip me. I had to keep singing Fear is a Liar.

I then felt led to put red paint in a spray bottle ( NO idea why). I have never sprayed my paint before and had only bought the bottle for water just a few days before. People will think I am crazy and I don’t even know what to do with it. Fear tried to grip me and I had to sing again, Fear is a Liar.

In this process I was seeing how fast my site can shift. How fast a lie can creep in.

I flipped the painting over and I could see in the eye, a worshiper. I knew my result would be a worshiper but no idea how the transformation was to take place.
I packed my paints, prepared to take everything with me and continued to pray.

At some point in the service, I truly can’t remember where, the visiting pastor from Bethel had said,  “Tonight we are going to get messy. I like messy church!”I truly laughed out loud! She was meaning we are not following our own agenda and it will not look like church always looks, but God had given me an action, to step out of my comfort and my known to let HIM do a work and instructed me to get messy! He confirmed through her exact words what I had heard. Don’t be afraid to get messy.

In worship, The song Fear is a Liar began and a woman with an amazing ministry of sign language was next to me signing the song. I didn’t dare look at her because when she signs I always want to cry, it is so beautiful. So I looked at the painting, spray bottle in a hand and the words began. ” When he told you’re not good enough,” (spray the blood of Jesus over it, this is why red, this is why bottle, the paint dripped over the evil eye. The blood of Jesus covering every lie). When I realized why the spray bottle, I shook with joy. My tears blurred the painting for a moment. I pressed in, praying and obeying.
“When he told you your not right” (Spray), “when he told you’re not strong enough, to put up a good fight” (spray.)
This continued through all the lies, then it was time to get messy. Without really knowing what I was to do, that picture went through a transformation journey.
A worshiper facing the eye, arms raised formed, then swirl of paint and the flames from a fire, more smudge of messy paint, a dove representing peace, the blues were added becoming a river of God washing over her. Then she was gone and an angel appearing to fight. Lastly, she was a new worshiper, covered with the Glory of God, facing forward in the painting, more confident, ready and all of Gods amazing triumph of colors surrounding her, surrounding her in His love, He had covered it all and she was ready to move forward. The enemies lies no longer in her sights.

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I truly wish I had recorded the process. I had no idea the journey the Lord would take me on. The funny thing is, many times, I wanted a paint brush. I wanted to perfect the work. It was not until the next day the Lord allowed me to paint the worshiper, after all, He had revealed and I used a brush. Not until I was ready to submit fully and see the full work He had for me.
It was messy and did not look the way I wanted it to. Just now as I thought about that, the Lord shows me, you wanted to rush the process. If you would have had a brush, you would have gone straight to the worshiper, you would not have seen my blood covering, you would not have seen the dove, the angel, the many glorious colors. You would have robbed yourself of the full work of your transformation. This process was so healing for me. I recognized each lie the blood of Jesus had to cover. I saw the peace covering my head. I saw the angel fighting for my victory.

I feel so humbled as I look at the work the Lord has done in me. How in my own power I would have quickly ‘fixed’ it to look the way I wanted it to look. I would have bypassed all the hard stuff. I may have had a decent outcome but I would have missed the strength, the skills, the courage that had come out of it, there is beauty in the process!

I tell you I truly wanted a brush when the Spirit of God was on me so strong my hands were shaking and I was trying to paint with them. My fingers felt clumsy, the paint all mixed and not perfect. God says…this is exactly what I want. You messy and all, let me do the transformation and remember Fear is a liar!

Here is the song to give a listen: Fear is a Liar

The Lion within

25399027_10214870973832875_8040969796702007604_n                                                           Proverbs 28:1 The wicked run away when no one is chasing them, but the godly are as bold as lions.

There are so many battles we face moment by moment and day by day. I have had seasons where I just wanted to throw my hands up and take my place under the covers. But God said NO MORE. He has called me to fight my battles ahead and when I am weary He says, “discover your lion within and let out your war cry!”

“But God,” I say, “there is no strength in me, I see no lion but rather a kitten wanting to nap the days away.” To which He replies, ” NO MORE, I am in you, that is a lie, let out your war cry!”

I see a picture in my mind of Aslan. A soft and gentle lion. Loving to the children visiting Narnia, but the moment He is ready for battle he let’s out his powerful mighty roar.

There is a shifting in the atmosphere with that strength. That roar changes things!

I have begun to exercise my faith and let out my war cry. I am beginning to say “no more will I listen to lies. No more will I sit quietly while the enemy tries to steal my peace.”

I have a choice on where my mind focuses, I have a choice on letting my roars overtake the whispers of the enemy. I am bold, I am courageous, I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength.

Challenge this day my friends, will you let out your war cry? Will you take your stand in the battle and win your ground over your spiritual enemies.?

The Lord is mighty,  the Lion within.

 

 

Do it anyway… with Rejoicing

We have had so many road blocks in the past few years at my church in the freedom aspect. Lives just torn down and discouraged with a heaviness that was tangible throughout the body, week after week. We would see some little glimpses of breakthrough and then a door would lock in our faces.

Recently there was some great advancements, the keys handed to us and we kept unlocking door after door. Families and relationships restored, jobs opening up and healing over different people. The joy bubbling forth in new ways, vision and passions being revived, hope abounding and the dancing, singing, art and musicians broke free. We were standing on reclaimed territory.

It was not very long before new and bigger physical battles arose. I feel God has taken us to a place of great strength spiritually, so the physical was under attack. Wearing us down, discouraging and all together bubble bursting.

Our pastor was hit in a very big way, my household has been hit in a very big way, the worship leaders home has been hit in a very big way. The list goes on and on and on.

We had begun new ministry direction and all the wars raging around us, knocking the leaders out, could have stopped the new opportunities in the tracks.

That is when God spoke very clear to me, “DO IT ANYWAY!”

I replied, “But God, I don’t know how to lead prayer, and worship.” God said, “DO IT ANYWAY!” So we had prayer and worship the very night the pastor had surgery. We felt something shift in the atmosphere. Rather than discouraged we were doing this without the leadership, I felt like a warrior, going into battle and taking ground, step by step by step. Things were shifting and happening and great victory came forth.

There have been many other opportunities that the Lord has told me lately… “DO IT ANYWAY.”
It does not matter that I hurt, it does not matter that I don’t know how, it does not matter that obstacles keep rising up. I WILL KEEP REJOICING. I WILL KEEP SINGING. I WILL KEEP OPENING DOORS FOR OTHERS TO HAVE OPPORTUNITY TO DO SO. I WILL DO IT ANYWAY!!!!!

My husband spent yesterday, all day in the hospital. We have more tests to pursue concerning his health.  The finances are in a horrible place as He has been out of work, had surgery and the bills are mounting around us. My pain was screaming like ever so often this morning and I wanted to stay home. But God said “DO IT ANYWAY,” So I went to church. I wanted to paint, but I have limits, but God said, “DO IT ANYWAY,” So I painted. I wanted to dance, but my body hurt and others were around, and God said “DO IT ANYWAY,” So I danced.

My JOY was filled to the brim. My circumstances faded in the background and like a little child dancing, painting and singing, there was no other thought than the one that I was doing it for. In my situation I was doing it for Jesus. Praising His mighty name despite all that surrounds me.

.  This is the painting that came forth during my worship.
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The message shared this morning after worship and my painting, was JOY.

I had no idea.

JOY JOY JOY comes to mind again and again.

The definition of REJOICE:
FEEL OR SHOW GREAT JOY OR DELIGHT!

Regardless of my situations around me, all that is flooding against me, in worship Rejoicing over my Lord and showing great delight; My joy bursts forth and that is exactly where I want to be.

1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18  Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

Zephaniah 3:17
The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.

Enough

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I am enough

He makes me enough

I am what He has called me to be

I will accomplish what He lays before me

I have all that I need

He will guide my hands

He will guide my feet

I am enough

He makes me enough

I am what He has called me to be

 

These words came to me in song tonight as we drove home from the Oregon Coast. We had taken a quick day trip and over and over, God showed me His amazing abilities through His creation. If He created such amazement, why do I doubt what He can do in me?

God  gave me the words… An artist thinks with his soul. I don’t think in my natural brain when I am creating. But let me tell you as soon as I am done, all my own flesh natural thoughts come my way. “It is not good enough.” ” I am so embarrassed by showing this side of me.” And on and on my thoughts will come, each time I complete something the Lord lays on my heart, and I doubt the sharing.

His words to me today ring so true; An artist thinks with his soul. I need to let my words of destruction and discouragement  get out of my way. They need to stop plaguing me after the fact.

I will meditate on the words of this song He had given to me, and I will be thankful that I am just as He has created me to be. Who am I to deny that what God has done is good? I am enough in His eyes. I am capable in His view and I will no longer live the lie that I am unable. I will do, what He lays before me and that is enough.

Pray for others

I have a friend and every time I greet her and am embraced in one of her hugs, I just get a wonderful sense of peace. She can calm my fears with a simple prayer and encourage my heart when she shares Gods truth.

A few weeks ago, as she gave me a hello hug, I saw a picture for her. This picture stuck with me for a while, and when we had the prophetic paint night I painted it real quick for her.

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I saw clearly that as my friend covered all of her hurting and broken loved ones in prayer, the spirit of God bubbles forth within her and He brings about victory to those that are surrounded by seas of sorrow.
They turn from dead and dying to life full of the Spirit.
While my friend may feel many times her prayers are not answered, God says “they are not answered yet, but I know they are there! I hear your prayers. In my time you wills see the overflowing waters of life. Keep praying.”

So as you are praying for victory over a loved ones situation or life. Rest assured the Father hears! He knows your heart as you come to the throne room on behalf of others.

Recently I was woken from a dream that someone very dear to me was in danger. I had no other knowledge or thought on this path as I laid to sleep the night before. But God woke me,and I knew I was called to pray. I don’t know the outcome yet, but I can rest in the knowledge that God heard my cries and already He has begun a work protecting those loved ones.

Don’t give up. Keep pushing on faithful one. Pray for others.

 Colossians 1: 9-13

For this reason also, since the day we heard of it, we have not ceased to pray for you and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so that you will walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for the attaining of all steadfastness and patience; joyously read more.
giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified us to share in the inheritance of the saints in Light. For He rescued us from the domain of darkness, and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son,

 

Ephesians 3: 14-21  

For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man,
so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.

Submerge

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1 Timothy 4:12-16

12 Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity. 13 Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to preaching and to teaching. 14 Do not neglect your gift, which was given you through prophecy when the body of elders laid their hands on you.

15 Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. 16 Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers.

 

This was a painting the Lord gave me for a sweet girl at church. I had no idea what scripture I would be lead to this week for her until now. I just kept getting the word for her submerge.
One of the definitions of submerge: Completely cover, immerse.

While life throws all the mess at us. We are to fully cover ourselves in the Lord and immerse in His word. Keep our sight focused on Him and the truths He has revealed to our hearts. He has a gift working in this girl and she is to not neglect it, but to immerse herself in God’s presence and ask Him to reveal more.

While I have a million things running through my heart and my head but at this moment I am going to keep it simple. Sometimes less is more.
Blessings