I Should Be

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Daily I hear the words wringing in my head, “I should be.”
I should be doing x rather that y. I should be farther in my writing. I should be earning money by getting a job. I should be healed by now. The onslaught of the I should be’s can be so distracting that I am missing the I am’s.

This afternoon I wanted to be working on some projects around the house and cleaning. The dog was whimpering to go outside to play as it has been cold and finally the sun was shining. She just had a bath, so of course I had to go out with her so she would not cover herself in mud by digging again. If we didn’t go outside to expel some of her energy she would get into all kinds of mischief while I tried to accomplish my list.

This is one of the moments the I should be’s would usually creep in, but as I sat in that moment outside as my pup roamed and discovered the yard, I realized how incredible the sun was feeling on my face. I heard the rustling leaves falling from the birch tree. The crackle as they fell from the tree top through the branches was a new sound for me. For the first time this week, I was taking in the full moment rather than thinking of all the things I should be doing that I was not. If I had being doing those other things, I would have missed this beautiful moment. Then I wondered, how much have I missed?

The “I should be’s ‘ often come at a time of rest, reflection and recovery. They become so distracting that I can’t take the moment for the gift that it is. There is much to be learned in the process of taking in everything that He has for us.

By being so focused on the next thing I should be doing that I am missing what I am taking effort in, is a form of discontent and comparison. I am comparing myself to that which I think I should be. I am discontent with where my efforts lie.
This is another lie that I am not enough. That I can’t accomplish enough.
Mind you, I know I should be doing everything on my list, but the lie is that I can accomplish it all at once and am failing if I am not. So I have decided, I will take the moments as they come. I will put effort and focus to the task at hand and the other should be’s will be right there waiting for when I can get to them.
I will not miss the moments of accomplishment, because of a lie that it wasn’t enough.

There is only one thing that I should be…. That is what the Lord has created me to be,  nothing more and nothing less. Seeking Him first will give me the clarity of what to pursue and when.

As I reflect, I am reminded of Martha and Mary. I want to chose that which will not be taken away from me.

Luke 10: 38-42

38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. 40But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” 41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.

 

The Fairy Tale Revealed

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I do not wear glass slippers,

for I stand on too firm of a foundation.

I do not have a magic wand,

for I have a sword it is the word of God.

I do not have beauty in the  eyes of the world, 

yet I shine with God’s Glory,  He knows me well.

No I do not live in a fairy tale land,

my house is built on the rock and not in the sand.  

                                                                                    ~SA

 

 

 

 

Why Do I Blog?

I am following a blog page called Faithful Bloggers. The page has a group writing project titled: “Why Do You Blog?”

Of course this writing project prompted my thinking. Why did I start this blog? What is my hope and goal for my blog?

Well of course in my fantasy world, my six consistent daily readers would turn into thousands. I would begin to figure out how to make an income with this blog so that being unable to work out of the home would not be a financial burden, and with many readers perhaps I would feel like I accomplish something with my efforts.

However, I have two real down to earth reasons for blogging:

1. Blogging is an outlet to see where I have been and where I am going.
Gone are the days of spending weeks in bed, depressed and consumed with pain. I began blogging to pursue joy in the midst of Fibromyalgia’s pain, fog and depression.

Since those beginning days,  I have a renewed hope, joy and peace. Daily depression is no longer a part of my life and the pain is no longer taking my life away from me. Yes, I have made adjustments but I am no longer bound by this illness to the point of being locked away. As I blog and put my jumbled crazy thoughts into writing, I can keep my mind focused on truth rather than the lies that the enemy would have me believe. Blogging puts things in proper perspective for me. I can see first hand what is on my mind as I write and have a heart check as I ‘preach’ to the choir.

2. I write for others that may be struggling on this journey of life at times as well. I have ran into so many well meaning Christian friends and family members that act like depression or illness was my fault and I had to snap out of it. I have heard hurtful things that were said to others in the midst of their depression. I was afraid to admit where I was at, for fear that they would try to speak me out of it without any real thought or instruction. I understand the struggle of depression, I understand the steps to victory and freedom, I understand it is a daily sometimes minute to minute, conscious decision to walk in your freedom and it doesn’t just go away on it’s own. Joy must be received, and pursued.  True joy, comes from the Lord and resides in you, regardless of the craziness that life may throw.
Just telling someone be happy, get over it,  or God gave you victory, when they are in the midst of the worst depression in their life, without the steps and directions on how to obtain victory, is not helpful.
I began a journey of pursuit on my own, as the Lord lead me and directed me. In the beginning, He showed me practical ways for joy, that anyone can obtain, even an unbeliever  As I progressed in my walk, He showed me the difference between joy and lack of depression that anyone can have, and the fullness of joy that only a child of God can have. I desire to bless and encourage others on their journeys to a complete healing of depression, fullness of GOD Joy.

 I am finding from a few letters of encouragement, that this journey I am on, has blessed others as well. I am not in this battle for my joy all alone, there are others that struggle and need to actively seek joy as well and even though I am not a theologian or doctor, I desire to share what has worked for me.

This is the heart of Writing For Joy in a nutshell. I do not know where the Lord will take this blog, but I know where He has taken me and I am truly blessed. Even if just one life has been changed, the Lord has done His work in me. His joy is fresh and new every morning. He is my reason.

Psalm 30:5
For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime!
Weeping may last through the night,
but joy comes with the morning.